Simply Botanic

realised i can actually make up story with the last 6 photos. haha, next time maybe?

Well, second round of extraction and the most expensive scaling i ever had in my whole life.

***

Gosh, i’m gonna die if i have to wait till next monday. Today’s only the first day! Missing real bad yea!

***

tsk. using * too much nowadays. guess cause i’m so full of random crap.

it’s real real bad ya know.

once more with feeling.

Way home, i was blasting Placebo’s “Where Is My Mind” repeatedly. I don’t usually blast music. And normally i do that is cause i don’t know what i’m thinking or even feeling.And whenevever the voice goes ‘whoooooo” and echoes like a wolf, i feel like i’ve screamed out loud on a mountain top and emptied all the air in the lungs.

no wonder people say that drums is the best instru to vent your anger.

wait, but in the first place, i have nothing to be angry. It must be unsatisfaction. How do i put it? Listen to the song, and you will feel that it crawls under your skin and you seriously feel like you’ve lost your mind. you know, its this feeling that you are so preoccupied with something and you don’t care about other things else. Firstly, you don’t even know what is the thing that you are precoccupied with. Secondly, when everything is over, you’re gonna miss what you have missed like mad.

***

lol. anyway joey this is for you : Ngaw’s birthday “great” plan is completed. haha.

***

Fun time at botanic, cards, food, ants, photos, flora, fauna, swan, lakes, letters, hugs, SWAK and dares. 15 dec, the great CLIQUEight Day. And also my scolding day. Man, time passed so fast and i was the last to reach home (compared to my family members). = TERRIBLE SCOLDINGS.

So i tried to tolerate and face the music. And it really suprised me when i kept completely shut up even when my dad called me to “eat shit” and “don’t make friends. don’t go out. stay at home.”

eat shit (first time he said this) + don’t make friends + don’t go out + stay at home = ultimate cursing in the head +CALM face

Good thing is for once i totally shut up. Man, its just so difficult to obey the 3rd commandment.

” PICNIC FOR WHAT FREAKING USE?! VERY FUN TO PICNIC HUH?!?!?! YOUR FRIENDS CALL YOU TO DIE, YOU GO DIE??????!!!! GO OUT FOR WHAT? NOBODY AT HOME, YOU GO OUT AND HANG AROUND WITH YOUR FRIENDS?!?!?YOU ARE NOT GOING OUT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”      

fyi, my mom knows about it. but i dont want to get my mom into trouble. so my dad thought i escaped the house like animals escaped the zoo. in the end, it was 2 in 1. Two mouths = more rubbish.

thats it. the end, byebye to anymore outings.

*BANGS THE SNARE DRUM. SMASH THE HI-HAT. CRASH THE CYMBALS. HIT THE BASS DRUM*

INCESSANTLY.

WHERE IS MY MINDDDD?!?!!!?

ps. will miss the rose.

wrong place.

momma, please understand.
Just because i went out 3 pathetic times, you made such a big fuss out of it.

***

Jeanette just said that i’m irritating.
tsk.
and she can’t chat.

***

Finished Ngaw’s shoe (left side only) and the great plan.
Now only left with the courage. (joey, dont forget what i said to u!)
man, tomorrow is 15 dec and i cant even stay for dinner. In addition, i have to reach home before 6pm.

Now i’m having this stomach churning and increasing heartbeat sensation again, for no apparent reason. Because i’m having clique meeting tomorrow? Because i’m excited? Mind you, i have a curfew to care about, so what’s up with those excitement? excited about rushing home from orchard within 30min, call mom to tell her i’m late, get a real bad scolding, then banned?

And dad just doesn’t like me to go out. He wants me to STAY AT HOME AND LEARN TO DO HOUSEWORK.

GOSH, WHAT ERA AM I LIVING IN ?!?!?!

Proving God’s Existence

OBEDIENCE.

Want to be a good servant of Christ? This is a MUST to read.

Quote Vincent Cheung from his article :

DOCTRINE AND OBEDIENCE

“Some seminary graduates are very proud and stupid, and completely unworthy of ministry. Most cases are not even examples of “knowledge puffeth up” (1 Corinthians 8:1), but the belief that they have knowledge that puffs them up, since they really know very little. …

… Cleaning toilets ought to be a joy anyway – the stuff that you scrub off the toilet is much less stubborn and much more fragrant than many of the people that you are going to deal with in ministry. So if you can’t even handle toilets – and what you find in them – how are you going to handle people?” …

… If he thinks that he is too good for all of this (e.g. cleaning toilets), then he is no good to the ministry. If, fresh out of the seminary, he already thinks that he is some “man of God” that is too important to do anything other than preaching and writing, and to have people sit at his feet to hear his wisdom, then he is really a useless piece of trash, and he is so stupid that he doesn’t know it. …

… if he is too “holy” or educated to mob up vomit or scrub the toilet, then I don’t want him to even lick stamps for my church or ministry. He is not even good enough to be the speed bump on the church parking lot, and he can forget about being an elder or teacher. …

… the day that I consider myself too much of a “man of God” to scrub the church toilet is the day that I have become as a filthy toilet to God. …”

Of course Cheung does mention that “it is unbiblical to require a minister to do menial work as part of his regular duties (Acts 6:2), the point is that he should never consider himself above that kind of work”

I love you

Lorraine sparked off another topic for me to blog about.

People always say that “ilove you” and “i’m sorry” are the most difficult phrases to be said out. But i guess i said it too often that sometimes people think that 90% of my “sorry”(s) are said for the sake of saying. Just like the phrase “I love you” , its no biggie anymore since it isnt how we feel and we say that because others said that to us (out of courtesy?) first.

quote lorraine :

3. I LOVE YOU

This almost always appear at the end of a convo/ idea / whatever. I think it kinda serves as a.. hmm, sort of closure/end  to some convo.

IT ALWAYS GOES LIKE THIS

person 1: kay, gtg now!

person 2: aww! LOVEYOU!

person1: love you too!

person 1 has signed out.

like that.

Signifier: I LOVE YOU
Signified: ok goodbye. get going now.

i guess its kind of sad cause the meaning isnt there anymore.It hurts to say things that sound nice but the real meaning isnt what its supposed to mean. Just like a few days ago

“i love you!”
“you don’t mean it.”
“why not?”
“its just like how i always say i love this this this person while i don’t give a heck to them.”

The truth is, when someone really loves somebody, he/she wouldnt say it out so easily.

As for the phrase “i’m sorry” i often give people the impression that i just wanna have a quick solution/way out to a complicated matter by being “submissive” and say sorry.  Well most of the time i am serious about it. But because i’ve said it too often, i begin to doubt.

***

Another quote from lorraine :

1. I’M BORED

I have no idea how many times I’ve typed and seen this. I don’t know bout you but whenever I see this phrase I automatically just deem it as a convo-filler. I myself typed that phrase subconsciously.

Signifier: I’M BORED
Signified: I have nothing to say right now but I feel awkward cause this convo isn’t moving so yes, I shall say I’m bored when in fact I have so much else on my hands but just don’t want to get them started.

The word “I’M BORED” is a super fatal one that makes sure an already awkward conversation to break down. Sometimes i use it so often because i am sick of a conversation that isnt moving on at all. And our daily-chats become a quick update of whats going on with our lives.

“haha”
-silence-
“i’m bored”
“sigh”
-silence-
‘yea, i am bored too”
“man, i’m so bored! tell me what to do!”
“i don’t know. i am so boredddd!”
“lol.nvm gtg bye”

i’m bored = i don’t know what to say. will you say something?!

 lol = a word to end a breaking down conversation, giving an impression that everything is alright when obviously you know its freaking not.

nvm =  I’m giving up cause i really don’t know what to do although i still freaking care about this convo.

gtg bye = i just want to end this as soon as possible. its just so torturous and i dont care if u say bye to me cause your so bored.

Well, i have done this to people quite alot of times. mostly on the same person and it sucks big time when we take turns to do that.

***

One thing that i’ve realised thats not very related to all these wrong meaning stuffs, is the judgement of one’s eyes. I always thought that eyes that show feelings are the most beautiful thing of a body. But after seeing several drawings and my own drawings, i think that eyes are just plain empty without the facial features.

They dont show anything.

So, ive gotten that two teeth off my gum.

I felt that it was kinda alright except after i woke up after my nap , my lower and upper jaw kept aching (when i didnt even do anything to upper jaw. just 4 rubebr thingy involved). ohmyshit, it wasn’t pain or anything, just this annoying feeling like as if somebody is pulling and pressing my gums.

It was worse when my whole lower lip was numb. The lip felt so enormous to me and in the train, i couldnt even feel my saliva (and maybe blood?) was flowing down. I refused to eat porridge and so i was eating rice immediately after the extraction, with my swollen african lips. So i was chewing away happily, oblivious that i was actually biting my own skin (in the end, i took 1 hr to eat a meal.)

Got really annoyed with the doc , prof and mom when they were discussing abt the surgery. surgery? no surgery? like what the heck, you’re getting things complicated. And the doc kept emphasising like im gonna lose my whole mouth without surgery, which scared my mom ttm. The prof charged my mom 30 bucks just for that 15min of consultation. Easy money alright! tsk. And i couldnt stand her snobbish attitutde just because she is some head of department, ignored whatever my mom asked her. I hate it whenever people look down on others just because of their inproficiency in eng. Big deal huh? China’s gonna be the boss dudes and you’re gonna be disadvantaged because you’ve acted like a banana for your whole life. sad fer yer.

LIKE LKL!!!

Crossing You in Style says:

can we draw the same picture

a few time?

HAHAHA

later lkl murder us

4 YEARS OF LOVE, Super Junior + E.L.F. says:

i don’t know eh LOL I don’t know i think i just heck care just keep drawing diff one lah

lol LKL BRO

COOL BRO

lkl

whoa got rhythm one bro

Crossing You in Style says:

hahah lkl

like lkl bro!

haha

LKL!!!

4 YEARS OF LOVE, Super Junior + E.L.F. says:

LKL BROOOOOOOOOOOOO MEHHHHHHH

lol

Crossing You in Style says:

MEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BRO MEHHHHHHHHHHHHH

LKL MEHHH MEHHH!

HAHAHAHA

4 YEARS OF LOVE, Super Junior + E.L.F. says:

LOL MEHHHHH BRO LKL BROO MEHHHHHH

Crossing You in Style says:

hahah bro, i post on blog our convo

haha

so funny bro

4 YEARS OF LOVE, Super Junior + E.L.F. says:

we go siao already bro LOL

mockingbird.

MOCKING BIRD ISN’T GETTING ANYWHERE.

OHMYFREAK, ITS SO TEDIOUS READING THIS BOOK WITH ALL THE CHAPTERS WITH ROMAN NUMBERS. NOT LIKE WE DON’T KNOW ARABIC NUMBERS THAT THEY HAVE TO ACT CLASS, LIKE “WOW! THIS BOOK IS OH-SO-TEA-TIFFIN-POETRY!!! WITH ALL ROMAN NUMBERS AND ALL!”

and now i am still reading blindly, clueless of how many chapters more to go.

Eng hw also. Its so pissing when Goretti just choose not to make things clear.